Iron Man (2008): Deleted Scenes
Tony Comes Home
can you imagine though, jarvis all alone in tony’s malibu house? jarvis who of course doesn’t have any physical form at all, jarvis who at this point occupies just the house and tony’s phone—jarvis, who is dependent on tony for everything, who lives essentially in tony’s pocket, suddenly being completely alone for the first time in his silicon life.
and every ten minutes on the dot for days and days and days he accesses the latest news reports, re-calculating and re-calculating tony’s chances at survival, endlessly running the numbers. and nobody told him to do that. tony’s house was empty and dark and nobody told jarvis to keep an eye on the news but he did. jarvis could have just spun down his hard drives and gone into hibernate mode, but he didn’t.
no, he watched the news. he stood vigil. he waited and he hoped that his calculations were wrong. that one day he would be able to say welcome home, sir once more.
Emotional state: upset about robots.
Well yea, kids get upset when their parent isn’t around.
I HAVE SO MANY JARVIS FEELS RIGHT NOW
IF YOU SEE THIS MAN, REPORT IT TO THE POLICE.
HIS NAME IS STEPHEN EUGENE BECK AND HE IS WANTED FOR DOZENS OF COUNTS OF CHILD RAPE AND MOLESTATION. HE IS WANTED IN TENNESSEE BUT POLICE BELIEVE HE HAS FLED TO KENTUCKY. PLEASE CALL THE LOCAL POLICE OR 1-859-253-2020 IF YOU SPOT HIM. ALSO, PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHILDREN SAFE. THIS MAN NEEDS TO BE PUT IN JAIL FOR WHAT HE’S DONE.
Benedict Cumberbatch’s voice bass-boosted. Put your headphones on and listen!
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
I di d it, I finally fucking did my dream aniME SCREENCAP REDRAW oF ALL TIME
Marilyn knew what was up
- Mrs Hudson’ Snax ‘n’ Sarnies
- the batman scene aka the best/worst scene EVER
- sherlock wardrobe
- john eating a cherry tomato
- Lestrade writing up the name of Sherlock’s new boyfriend in his super secret diary
- And the gayest
OH MY FUCKING GOD
the drugs from my wisdom teeth removal have worn off
and i looked back on my twitter from this morning
"they took my teeths and didnt even say mazel tov"
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